I dont have a blog per se. I never really used twitter bc im antisocial, but here's stuff I would tweet. I started writing down things that I thought would make good song titles, then I just started adding shit that made me laugh. I love every single one of these, but I've highlighted my very favorites. (newest at the top)

For every one potato chip, you eat one baby carrot. This is the Law of Equivalent Exchange.

Magnoliates

Commie Pickles

Clown-selfie

A Post-Lipstick Society

I'll be prophetic one day

More like VESTIGIAL studio

They call me BASS WARDEN bc i KEEP THE BEAT

Romantic Encounters of the Third Kind

Ants have antennas. Insects have insectennas.

After much consideration, I have decided to discontinue my life.

How can you be anti-revisionist? Ur literally trans

Noveau Bitche

Liber手

Why would a loving God allow a world with mushy pickles

I'm not a real person, but I play one on TV

Platonic hiking

Mouthwash for dogs

Yo, the name's Ronnie Steel. But you can just call me Ronald.

midlife-crisis actor

Amphibeous lawnmower

the smell of silly putty

Golf course cartographer

Craveyard

Forever Endeavor

Skinny dipping in the datastream

You know those one-a-day vitamins? Yeah well I double the dose.

Cosplaying as 37th US President, Dwight D Eisenhower

Smash players cannot get into heaven

Wok lasagna

Hey girl, are you a block of marble? Because I see my bust in you.

Autistic girl smell

Dog named Michael

ex tension

It's not self-diagnosis. I took an online quiz.

parasite patisserie

Nightmare blunt rotation: me + my mom + my dad

I'm not a man. I'm a preacher.

Best sandwich contest

Let's all raise a glass half-empty

rats as pets

shadow of the sun

Vantablack widow

Revelry & Devilry

propane prophet

ukelele strap

nine-legged spider

live-streaming my colonoscopy-cam

water in a gallon

A community garden in no-mans-land

What's good for the Michi-goose is good for the Michigander

O, Possum, my Possum!

my bad. i sinned.

silk robe with the sleeves rolled up

Chipped my toof on a billy goat hoof

SPIDER TEXAS

taking a men's multivitamin with a shot of scotch

God is an atheist

If you're gonna vore me, can you at least floss first?

hotboxing in the delorean

henna tramp stamp

kissy pissy

Mater has a gun in his glovebox

I stared into the abyss (and the abyss blushed)

I go the the school of life (and I have perfect attendance)

do what you want to (but more than you want to)

Tanlines from my VR goggles

Staring at the speed of sound

((Those two little words)) wait is goodbye one word or two?

fartin' & squartin'

Give me artistic liberty, or give me artistic death!

Hyming & Hoeing

Can I please have a tiny sip of your soy sauce

Phone calls from the dead but please leave a voicemail because I'm scared

White House Garage Sale

beauty and the BEATS 🔥

As long as I'm driving, I'm not allowed to cry

Subconscious intent

FR*CK THE LAW !!

April showers bring May flowers, but April fools May bring flower showers

((I'll share with you)) my deepest darkest promise

carbonated eggnog

The Exact Moment of Goresplodeathonization

pee on my tee

Sigh-borg

Unicorn Predator

Pop Rocks in my vomit

Comfortably self-immolating

God's Migraine

Cement yourself before you circumvent yourself

Let's all coordinate a simultaneous 10,000-person sigh of exasperation

OCEAN OF PISS

How's your prostate? Mine's prostGREAT!

((Paranormal Activity 11)) at what point does it just become normal activity

PIG SNORT

https://psychobitch.com

((Tall, Dark, and Eldritch)) i had a gay sex dream about cthulhu even though im straight

UR LIKE SEX BC U DONT FKN GET IT

I accidentally sent a weird meme to my boss and he brought it up in person

Can't we just skip all the nonsense and go straight to domestic violence

Let's get metaphorically and literally naked at the same time.

((Ad Nauseum)) aka advertisements, the unsolicited dick pic of capitalism

How am i supposed to get a girlfriend if I can't even play guitar?