I dont have a blog per se. I never really used twitter bc im antisocial, but here's stuff I would tweet. I started writing down things that I thought would make good song titles, then I just started adding shit that made me laugh.

How am i supposed to get a girlfriend if I can't even play guitar?

((Ad Nauseum)) aka advertisements, the unsolicited dick pic of capitalism

Let's get metaphorically and literally naked at the same time.

Can't we just skip all the nonsense and go straight to domestic violence

I accidentally sent a weird meme to my boss and he brought it up in person

UR LIKE SEX BC U DONT FKN GET IT

((Tall, Dark, and Eldritch)) i had a gay sex dream about cthulhu even though im straight

https://psychobitch.com

PIG SNORT

((Paranormal Activity 11)) at what point does it just become normal activity

How's your prostate? Mine's prostGREAT!

OCEAN OF PISS

Let's all coordinate a simultaneous 10,000-person sigh of exasperation

Cement yourself before you circumvent yourself

God's Migraine

Comfortably self-immolating

Pop Rocks in my vomit

Unicorn Predator

Sigh-borg

pee on my tee

The Exact Moment of Goresplodeathonization

carbonated eggnog

((I'll share with you)) my deepest darkest promise

April showers bring May flowers, but April fools May bring flower showers

FR*CK THE LAW !!

Subconscious intent

As long as I'm driving, I'm not allowed to cry

beauty and the BEATS 🔥

White House Garage Sale

Phone calls from the dead but please leave a voicemail because I'm scared

Can I please have a tiny sip of your soy sauce

Hyming & Hoeing

Give me artistic liberty, or give me artistic death!

fartin' & squartin'

((Those two little words)) wait is goodbye one word or two?

Staring at the speed of sound

Tanlines from my VR goggles

do what you want to (but more than you want to)

I go the the school of life (and I have perfect attendance)

I stared into the abyss (and the abyss blushed)

Mater has a gun in his glovebox

kissy pissy

henna tramp stamp

hotboxing in the delorean

If you're gonna vore me, can you at least floss first?

God is an atheist

taking a men's multivitamin with a shot of scotch

SPIDER TEXAS

Chipped my toof on a billy goat hoof

silk robe with the sleeves rolled up

my bad. i sinned.

O, Possum, my Possum!

What's good for the Michi-goose is good for the Michigander

A community garden in no-mans-land

water in a gallon

live-streaming my colonoscopy-cam

nine-legged spider

ukelele strap

propane prophet

Revelry & Devilry

Vantablack widow

shadow of the sun

rats as pets

Let's all raise a glass half-empty

Best sandwich contest

I'm not a man. I'm a preacher.

Nightmare blunt rotation: me + my mom + my dad

parasite patisserie

It's not self-diagnosis. I took an online quiz.

ex tension

Dog named Michael

Autistic girl smell

Hey girl, are you a block of marble? Because I see my bust in you.

Wok lasagna

Smash players cannot get into heaven

Cosplaying as 37th US President, Dwight D Eisenhower

You know those one-a-day vitamins? Yeah well I double the dose.

Skinny dipping in the datastream

Forever Endeavor

Craveyard

Golf course cartographer

the smell of silly putty

Amphibeous lawnmower

midlife-crisis actor

Yo, the name's Ronnie Steel. But you can just call me Ronald.

Mouthwash for dogs

Platonic hiking

I'm not a real person, but I play one on TV

Why would a loving God allow a world with mushy pickles

Liber手

Noveau Bitche

How can you be anti-revisionist? Ur literally trans

After much consideration, I have decided to discontinue my life.

Ants have antennas. Insects have insectennas.

Romantic Encounters of the Third Kind

They call me BASS WARDEN bc i KEEP THE BEAT

More like VESTIGIAL studio

I'll be prophetic one day